Unknown

Global Stemfest

Flat Earth Two Ways

Cosmonaut Space-Jam Boogie

Alpine Blue Ribbon

If you ran out of lycra, make sure to bring your gusseted crotch. This one's a butt-splitter. Head up the thin cracks that begin in an notched out alcove. Pull right at the steep finger rack, then ride the stems through flakes and cracks to a small roof. Enjoy the mini-chickenheads as you pull to glory.

This one's better than a crawdad boil at a conspiracy theory weekend retreat!

Pitch 1: (5.8 trad) travel back to a time when the Tri-camadon roamed the Tarryalls. Enjoy the well-protected starting moves, and make sure you bring a full set of Tri-cams for some

very

specific pink and black (pictured) placements later on. Let the bolt gun float right off the edge of this 1 dimension geospatial plane, and enjoy the nice ride.

Pitch 2: (5.8 sport) from the bolted belay, move immediately up and right. Pull on some nice edges, and clip before you fall into a Reddit black hole about the moon landing. Travel up over moderate terrain to a slightly thin move before a beautiful mini-roof positively puckering with chickenheads for the gobbling. Pull up, and focus on your feet at the next bolt for the crux of this pitch. Get your slab booties on, and waltz up to a nice finish pulling up over good edges to the second bolted belay that'll have you swearing those pictures of earth from space are just a Bob Ross painting jammed into a kaleidoscope.

Eat your heart out, McCarthy!

Pitch 1: (5.8 offwidth). Scramble up the easy terrain to the tasty offwidth. There's face options if you're into that kind of thing, but we recommend jamming in your whole body and telling Nancy to not get worried if you can't come running for the dinner bell. Squirm your way up until the offwidth expels you to the rest of the climb. Find yourself on good stances with gear wherever you desire after the offwidth. Bring some chutney for the chickenheads that appear out of the ether, and enjoy the little jaunt to the anchors.

Pitch 2: (5.9 finger crack & layback). Leave the Cold War behind, and blast off into a beautiful finger crack, comrade! Enjoy a few small hand and finger jams until you pull through and get a nice stance. Sweat more than JFK during the Cuban Missile Crisis as you traverse out left (way more stable than it seems), and get some nice gear in a right-facing corner. Follow this until the crack runs out, then pull out left onto the ledge.

Descent: rappel down to the pitch 1 anchors or anchors on

Unknown

, 5.10.

No one has ever hesitated before drinking a PBR, nor should you in climbing ABR.

Pitch 1: 5.6. Romp up the moderate terrain, finding the path of least resistance leading up and to the right. Magellan your way up to the anchors on

Flat Earth Two Ways

.

Pitch 2: 5.7. From the bolted belay, veer left to the left to the sailor's corner. The series of roofs and laybacks may look more difficult through the sextants of your fear than in reality. It's the trad way up, rejoining the second anchors of

FETW

after pulling through a roofy corner.

Don't fret if you get off-route, Cristobal Columbo thought he was on a whole different continent.

Descent: rap down

Flat Earth Two Ways

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Description

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Protection

Routes in The Globe